11 Reasons Why It's So Hard to Ask for Help and What To Do
Sep 29, 2024
On a logical level, we know we sometimes need extra help.
In fact, we need a lot of it, but often, we don’t think twice about getting help with things like groceries or a ride-share. It feels normal because we pay for it, so it feels fair.
But when it comes to asking for personal or professional help, it can feel different—we might experience guilt, anxiety, or feel blocked altogether.
The first step to breaking through this is curiosity about what’s stopping you.
The block is often a protective part of you—rooted in fear, shame, or guilt—developed from past experiences, like family dynamics or school.
These parts are trying to protect you, but often, they stem from old patterns that no longer serve you. Here are 11 common blocks and how to reframe them.
- Fear of Rejection
The Part: This part of you is scared that if you ask for help, you’ll be turned away. It may stem from a time when you were rejected, whether by friends, family, or in school. This part is trying to protect you from reliving that experience.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Fear of rejection can drive emotional eating to soothe the anxiety and fill the emptiness that rejection can trigger.
The Reframe: Instead of seeing asking for help as a risk of rejection, view it as an opportunity to connect. Most people are happy to help and may even feel flattered that you trust them enough to ask. And while not everyone may be in a position to offer assistance, it doesn’t mean they are rejecting you personally.
- Fear of Burdening Others
The Part: This part believes that by asking for help, you’ll be a burden to others. It likely stems from past experiences where you were made to feel like you were "too much" or where others didn’t have the emotional capacity to support you.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: This fear can lead to using food as comfort, a way of self-soothing when you feel like you have to carry everything on your own.
The Reframe: People love to help those they care about. When you ask for help, you’re not burdening them—you're giving them an opportunity to show up for you. In fact, reaching out can make others feel valued and needed, creating a deeper connection.
- Fear of Losing Independence
The Part: This part equates to asking for help with losing your autonomy. It might come from childhood experiences where you were pushed to be self-reliant or when you felt your independence was taken away.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: You might turn to food to manage feelings of helplessness, filling the void of perceived loss of control.
The Reframe: Asking for help isn’t the same as losing independence. It’s about knowing your limits and empowering yourself to delegate when needed. True independence involves knowing when to seek support so you can be your best self.
- Fear of Judgment
The Part: This part believes that by asking for help, you’ll be judged as weak, incompetent, or incapable. This could stem from environments where vulnerability was criticized or punished.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Fear of judgment can lead to eating to numb feelings of inadequacy.
The Reframe: People generally don’t judge those who ask for help—in fact, they often respect them more for their vulnerability. When you ask for help, you’re showing strength in recognizing what you need. Others will likely admire your courage.
- Fear of Owing Something in Return
The Part: This part fears that by accepting help, you’ll owe the person something in return. It might stem from past situations where support came with strings attached or help was offered as a form of control.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: The anxiety of feeling indebted can lead to overeating to alleviate that discomfort.
The Reframe: Healthy relationships are built on mutual support. When someone helps you, they’re not keeping score; they do it because they care. And if you do something in return later, it’s part of a balanced relationship, not a debt.
- Perfectionism
The Part: This part believes you need to do everything perfectly, and asking for help means you’ve failed. It likely stems from environments where mistakes weren’t tolerated or where success was tied to your self-worth.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Perfectionism can lead to eating for comfort when you feel like you’ve fallen short of your high expectations.
The Reframe: Asking for help is not a sign of failure—it’s a smart, effective way to achieve more. No one succeeds alone, and reaching out allows you to grow beyond your own limitations.
- Shame of Needing Help
The Part: This part carries shame around needing help, often linked to experiences where asking for help was met with criticism, punishment, or rejection.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Shame can fuel emotional eating as a way to soothe feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.
The Reframe: Shame tells us we’re not worthy, but that’s not true. Everyone needs help at times, and seeking support is a human experience, not something to hide. Others will likely appreciate your trust in them and feel closer as a result.
- Fear of Failure
The Part: This part believes that asking for help means you’re failing. It may stem from early experiences where you were expected to succeed without support, or where failure was harshly criticized.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Fear of failure can lead to turning to food for comfort, offering a momentary escape from the pressure of perfectionism and self-criticism.
The Reframe: Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re taking proactive steps toward success. Everyone encounters challenges, and seeking support is a sign of resilience and resourcefulness.
- Low Self-Worth
The Part: This part believes you’re not deserving of help, that you’re somehow less important or valuable than others. This can come from past experiences where your needs were minimized or neglected.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Low self-worth often leads to emotional eating to fill the void of feeling unworthy or unseen.
The Reframe: You are just as deserving of help as anyone else. Your needs matter, and by asking for help, you’re affirming your value. Others want to support you, and by allowing them to, you’re strengthening your relationships.
- Fear of Losing Control
The Part: This part fears that by asking for help, you’ll lose control over the situation or outcome. It might come from experiences where you were let down or where others took control in ways that didn’t serve you.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Fear of losing control can lead to using food to manage anxiety, offering a sense of momentary stability.
The Reframe: Asking for help doesn’t mean losing control—it means you’re sharing responsibility. You can still have input and set boundaries, ensuring that your needs are met while also getting the support you require.
- Shame
The Part: This part carries a deep sense of shame, often rooted in early experiences where you were made to feel inadequate or unworthy. It believes that asking for help will expose your vulnerabilities, leading to more shame.
Food as a Coping Mechanism: Shame can drive a cycle of emotional eating, where food temporarily soothes feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy.
The Reframe: Shame thrives in isolation, but when you ask for help, you’re breaking that cycle and allowing yourself to be seen and supported. By sharing your struggles, you allow others to offer the care and understanding you deserve.
Conclusion: Befriending Your Protective Parts
The parts that hold you back from asking for help are not your enemies—they’re trying to protect you based on past experiences. Whether they’re rooted in fear, shame, or perfectionism, these parts develop to shield you from emotional pain, and often, food becomes the tool to manage those feelings.
To overcome these blocks, it’s important to pause, recognize, and even befriend these protective parts.
By listening to them with compassion, you can understand their concerns.
Sometimes, these parts may have a valid point—it’s not always safe to ask for help from everyone, especially if they’ve proven to be toxic or unreliable.
But when you step into your empowered self, you can discern who to trust and when to reach out.
Remember, reaching out for help is not just about getting what you need. It also makes others feel needed and valued, fostering deeper connections and creating a sense of community.
You deserve support, and by allowing others in, you’re creating an opportunity for mutual growth, care, and connection.
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